It’s equally important not to overvalue that same quality or characteristic in yourself and be blinded to other aspects of you or use it to compensate for real intimacy.Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.It’s not about saying ‘Be with a stupid person’ because this is the extremes that I always encounter with this tenuous subject.
Some of the most harmful myths in dating revolve around the trait of female intelligence.Recently I’ve found that quite a few readers place a high value on intelligence in their partners and it’s often the primary value that concerns them the most.These very same people are then bewildered as to why these ‘intelligent’ partners haven’t given them the relationship that they expected, and were in fact lacking in relationship and emotional smarts.Job done and I didn’t even have to stretch myself emotionally.’ There are a lot more controlled elements with intelligence in the wider sense.You can be fairly sure that if you apply the knowledge and the skills and excel that great results will be achieved. As many of you have discovered, you can do something with the intentions to convey one thing and expect the other person to behave in a particular way, and then get an entirely different reaction. Don’t be blinded by anything that you deem to be of importance for you to forge a relationship or to be attracted.It’s also important to recognise that we can also be blinded to other great things in partners or ourselves when we only focus on one thing and make too many assumptions about it.All that intelligence tells you is that they’re intelligent in the area(s) that you noticed their knowledge and skills.Intelligent partner doesn’t equal intelligent relationship doesn’t equal mutually fulfilling healthy copiloted relationship.There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to or desiring intelligent partners but like anything you place a high value on, it’s important not to be blinded by it and make assumptions about qualities, characteristics and values that they might possess with that intelligence.There’s no point in being with an intelligent person that treats you poorly or is emotionally disconnected.It’s also important to recognise that some very intelligent people will also very intelligently screw you over.Next thing it’s: So what are you trying to say Natalie?I should have a relationship with no chemistry/an ugly person/a dead fish/the opposite colour/someone that triggers my gag reflex when we have sex/someone who doesn’t take care of their body/somebody poor?Many people wake up in a relationship that detracts from them and/or leaves them frustrated because they have things, like intelligence, that they’re blinded by that they use to override if not outright deny and obliterate real concerns in the relationship. What you place a high value on in others says a lot about what you value or even overvalue in yourself or what you want someone else to bolster you with.