Keeping in mind that I’ve by no means covered every topic, here’s what I’ve learned about being a good cis partner to trans people I date. Recognize that your partner’s identity may change over time This is important to keep in mind even if you’re dating a cis person, because anyone can discover something new about their gender identity.
I’m dating a cis woman whose partner of nearly a year identified as a cis man for most of their relationship.
This can be true for cis people with body image issues or who have survived sexual assault, so it’s a good idea to ask cis partners about this as well. Be mindful of you and your partner’s particular sexual safety needs If your partner is trans, it may not be obvious whether you can impregnate your partner or if your partner can impregnate you.
A trans woman on hormone replacement therapy who hasn’t had gender confirmation surgery, for example, may still be able to impregnate you if you have fertile ovaries and she penetrates you.
You are in a unique position to be a support system for your partner and affirm their gender identity in ways our society will not.
The only thing you can do is earn it back through good behavior.
But respecting your partner’s changing identity is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, and my girlfriend has been learning to embrace her partner’s feminine identity as it develops alongside their masculine identity. Correct people who misgender your partner I run into this issue a lot, because my partner uses they/their/them pronouns, and many people are not familiar with using the singular they as a gender-neutral pronoun for people they know. I talk about my partner with the correct pronouns, but most everyone knows I’m queer and automatically uses “she” to refer to them because they think I only date female-identified people.
Sometimes this happens with people I’ve only just met.
However, rather than saying, “So, what do you have in your pants?
” you can say something like, “So, what parts of your body make you feel sexual, and how can I touch them in a way that will make you feel good? Understand your partner’s body image Your partner might use different words to describe their sexy parts than what you’d see in an anatomy textbook or hear in a porno.