I couldn't stop repeating the first part of the Clutch headline over and over again in my head. She wrote in a Huffington Post blog late last year: It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have always been devalued in this society.We are all members of this collective community living on Earth, and we all need to start being honest with ourselves.What does it mean to be uncomfortable about interracial dating in 2014? Why are so many people advocating a "stay with your own race" mentality?I met my current boyfriend the next night, and he we are, still together five years later.Still, I would never ever say that being in an interracial relationship has been easy.Still, it was always funny that my mother questioned why I kept dating white guys, especially because I was raised as one of only few people of color in my community.I grew up in the predominantly white suburbs of upstate New York.
I looked down at my fingertips, stained deep mocha from my foundation, and felt self-conscious.Black women have told me it's because I'm a sellout.The white men who can get past the mental anguish of my black penis tarnishing "their" women think I'm making some latent admission that their race has the most attractive women... I'm not a "black man" who "dates white women." I'm a person.One of my favorite things to do was to play with his hair.He would lie with his head in my lap, and I would run my fingers through the blond strands.I went to a predominantly white high school where I was one of maybe five black kids.I grew up thinking that because I looked different, I somehow wasn't good enough.I have my own unique experiences and some of them include having dated women who are white, but because interracial dating is such a historically tense and loaded subject, it's hardly ever looked at with any understanding or compassion for the people personally involved.The concept of a black man in a relationship with a white woman is a "thing" that people have an opinion on...While scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, I came across a link to a Gawker article that one of my friends reposted.In an essay entitled "The Reality of Dating White Women When You're Black," writer Ernest Baker tackles big topics like Eurocentric beauty standards, the taboo aspect of interracial relationships, and why he dates white women, among others: Why do I date white women?After years and years of internalizing the beauty standard promoted all around me, I headed off to college with a low self-esteem and essentially no sense of self-worth.I went out to a frat party with my roommate on our first night.As a young woman of color, I can attest to the fact that many people in this world feel it is their duty — no, their God-given right — to decide what is best for me, and especially whom is best for me to date.